05..Valentine Day is coming...

36 days have passed..the unhappiness and loneliness is still with me...i still cant get over it..when i am happy, i will talk to her like as if she is still my gf but when i am moody or when i think of the past dat we had, i will start to feel pain in my heart, it hurt me so much dat i cried and thought of ending my life...now dat she is so close to her guy friend, i felt jealous, but wad can i do? i can only look at them talking happily to one another and start to think of the past again. the more i want to forget all those things, the more often it appears in my mind, why is life so contradicting? 36 days ago i was so happy but she told me dat she got sth to tell me, i always ask her to say when she has sth to tell me, but i was wrong to say dat to her dat day, little did i noe dat she will mention the thing dat i hated to hear most...i dunno wad to say, just sat dere thinking....wad did i do wrong? or she just fell in love with another guy who is so much better than me? i was so eager to noe the ans, i asked her...she told me she no longer had that feelings for me..den she continue to say dat she dun want to start a relationship now, she said dat if we are meant to be tgt den we will still be tgt in the future... 4 years...i spend most of my time and effort on this relationship for 4 years and in the end wad is being exchanged was just a sentence of not having any feelings for me...i was terribly hurt on that day and i noe life will not be the same anymore...it was her who changed my life, who made me realise dat how fortunate i am, who made me feel the true happiness, who made me understand wad true love is, who made me certain dat she is the one i will want to be with for the rest of my life...one word from her and all these became a dream, a dream dat lasted so long...a dream dat i nvr wanted to have...up till now, i still couldnt get over this 'tragedy', i am still trying hard to patch up with her but she rejected me again and again...friends told me to persevere, friends oso told me to give up on her...i only had one sentence to say..."I will nvr give up on her coz i really love her and want to be with her." u all will definitely say dat i am selfish but i tell u, "love is selfish", u will decide whether to get her back or not, if u want, u will go all out to get her back, if not, other guys will take her away and dat will be a forever "goodbye". like wad the lyrics of a song says, "there are a thousand reasons why i should give up, but i'm stubborn in the things i believe." i noe if i dun give up and keep pestering her, she will not be happy and might even hate me, but i believe dat her feeling for me is still dere, just dat its hidden and she doesnt noe it, so i am going to continue searching for that feeling and made her love me again, i dun care whether its 1 year or 10 years, but wad i care is dat i cannot survive without her. forgive me if i'm selfish but i will wait till the day u accept me again...

tmr is valentine's day..the past two years was spent with her, but guess this year i can only spend time with her as a friend. i am really unhappy, very unhappy, suffering from depression, if only life could end here.............