Trust

everytime when i am upset or hurt, i would either watch comedy or vent out my anger or fustration here, at least i noe its a non-living thing and at least i noe it would not mind what i say, at least i dun need to consider how it feels. I will try to control myself such that i will not vent it out on my friends. I believe everyone has their own temper and we have mood swings quite often, but i think if u really treat someone as ur friend, you should respect him and spare a thought for his or her feelings..most of the time, we tend to speak without much thinking, i admit i do sometimes, but after that if i noe i'm in the wrong, i will try to use ways to apologise, through sms or wad... there are a few types of friends in this world... one type is those that will respect u and consider ur feelings before they do anything or say out things. unfortunately, in my entire life, i only had two of such friends..yini and billy..esp billy, i only get to noe him after JAE this year but we knew each other well and having the same hobbies and common topic, we always hang out tgt, go to sch tgt and came home tgt, we talk and talk, share bball experiences and its like our converation will nvr end..he had his temper and i had mine, up till today, we only had a major quarrel but after that, we knew our own fault and apologise to each other, and the next day, we are friends again...he told me that he regard me as his brothers, at that time i felt fortunate because nobody treated me like that before...this kind of friend is what i respect the most and we nvr look down on each other before...

the other type of friend is those that treat u as a weather friend, to be honest, i had alot of friends who are liddat..whenever they are in a good mood, they treat u so nicely, and make u feel forunate to be able to noe them but once their mood swings, dat is when u will start to dislike them..from primary school, i wasnt well-liked by my peers, they like to give me nicknames and laugh at me...i do not like that, its like i have a name and why must u guys give me a nick name? and to other ppl, laughing at them can just be a joke but not for me...since young, i have been a very serious and 'no joke' person when i'm doing my work. when i plan something for a group, i expect things to be done in the shortest possible time and to me, work comes first before playing. i am not the type of gamers who are addicted to certain games, i only play a few games to relax myself from a day's test or when im tired..so i really hate it when my group members are playing and i had to do the stuff with a person or a few...this has happened several times..i noe i'm a serious guy and that's why no one likes me because i dunno how to joke with others and i am unable to demand for ppl's respect. i always failed to control the power and authority in my hands and if they dun respect me or follow wad i say, i have no choice but to give in to them, the more i do so, the more they will not want to do anything and the more they will treat me like nobody..

these two types of friends, the first group are friends whom i feel comfortable when talking to them, the second are those whom i have to say things or do things cautiously so that they wun be easily agitated...in my own world now, i dunno who to trust, i noe i can trust my good brother-billy, but the rest...i dunno...many have misplaced my trust and faith in them...i felt extremely disappointed these few days and i really regret a decision that i have made in the past...

another person whom i can place 100% of trust is my mum...every since sec one, i have been living in a family that is not united...my dad did sth which i hated the most when i was P6 and ever since then, i nvr talk much to him...my sis, i dunno wad i did wrong but she hated me to the core...my mum told me that she felt inferior dats why she will treat me this way but its like i nvr look down or despise herat all...the only person i talk to when i'm at home is my mum, she noes me inside out but not my school life...i told her wad happen in sch everyday and she will tell me wad happen at home everyday oso, our relationship is more than just mother and son, we are like friends who talk very openly. but today when i was hurt and she was overseas with my father, i was alone at home and i could only slp, eat, watch tv, play and talk to myself...tears rolled when i was on my way home, thinking why ppl dislike me so much..i noe i am not as outstanding at all but i always wanted to learn new things so as to gain experience, but what i need most is laughter and respect, not insults. My belief is this, if u want to treat me as a friend, show me some respect and i dun like insults. If u treat me as a leader, pls give me ur support and not show me your stupid attitude. If u do treat me as a nobody, dun blame me if i treat u worse than a nobody...if u want to hurt me, think again. from this moment onwards, i will not tolerate any insults, but of course, i will control my mouth oso and will not argue with anyone...if u think u are alwys right, den be it..being too ego isnt a good thing...

this entry is not specifically directed at anyone but just some of my thoughts and feelings after today's incident. maybe i shouldnt trust too many ppl den i wun be hurt so easily.