my life in the past 2 years was like in the heaven but after jan, it was like hell to me, well, of course, in hell, u made friends but when u are alone, it is scary...dats how my life is like now. seriously i felt happy when i am with my classmates, they are crappy but we mug, laugh and rebel tgt...but after school when i am on my way home alone or at home, the loneliness and the unhappiness came back to me, i have tried to not think of her, i tried my best le, but its just impossible for me, 3 months have passed and i am yet to get over it...instead when i feel dat i am alright, it got alot alot worse again and it caused me to do sth dat a normal person will not do...i am totally a different person when i am at home, a person dat changed so much dat even my mum has realised it...i need counselling, maybe u think dat a breakup is nth to u, but it has detrimental effects on me...how do i find a counsellor? i need to speak out my heart...not to my friends but to someone who is older than me and who can offer me advices to improve on my mental condition...right now, i totally couldnt focus on my studies when i am at home, all i could do was just to do stupid things and keep thinking and thinking of her and the things dat we had done together...

when we first started, i wasnt sure if i really love her, i didnt noe wad was love at dat time, but as time pass, i gradually understand wad it means and takes to love her, but unfortunately it was too late, i noe i did many things wrong to her but if i can go back to the past, i will not do all those things again, i will make her feel more secured and make her love for me grow strong...these are all my regrets and now we seldom talk to each other...i want to jio her back but i lost dat self-confidence in me...i wanted to get near to her but the fear of irritating her stop me from doing dat...i want to talk to her but i'm afraid of the response...if only we can get back together and be happy together and share more memories together....all i need is a chance....

well, i cant do anything now except to wait silently for her to realise dat i still love her more than anyone does...just hope dat my mental condition wun worsen any further....God bless me...