today almost knocked down by a car again when i was crossing the road but this time it was at the traffic light outside my skl, the driver press the horn until damn loud la, but was wondering why he press the horn, just knock me down la...cant u see dat i am more than depressed today? today the firsdt lecture starts at 11.50, so went to chiong bball with some friends...the ground is like damn wet can...played many matches today...for the whole 2 hrs i was playing and playing, when i finish playing and wash up dat time, i realised dat my back is very very pain and i can hardly turn both my wrists...den i noe dat my back is injured...ytd dive into the pool den sprain my back ma, den today i add catalyst to it and now i cant even bend forward and do stretchings...den play for too long without proper stretchings den strain my muscles...and its not only my hands, but my legs too...injured internally and externally...will she care for me and say some words of concern? i dunno, but i only noe dat my external wound was caused because of her...but so far it just shows dat she still dunno wad happen to my hand and she oso dun want to noe...

today had a personality test and i couldnt concentrate at all la...guess who's in front of me? ya, its her and another guy whom she is close to...think all those who noe her will noe who's the guy la...haix...wad can i do? ask them to get lost meh? no...i wun do dat...and lester and melvin nvr look at me when she came to sit beside her guyfriend...and throughout the test they were talking and laughing la...feel like just asking them to shut up la...why must i be behind them manx..why must i see them being so close...do u noe how much it hurts me to see them so close to each other, i am not jealous but it will remind me of the past and hurt me....why why WHY???

after the personality test, i went to the bleaches to play my hp games while waiting for mrc to start...was all alone coz i dunno who to look for to pei me...wanted to ask where is she but think she wun want to pei me oso...so nvr call her...just stone dere alone lor...plus i nvr eat anything ever since 8....had gastric before i even went for mrc...the president ask me to go and eat but i say i dun want...den he teach us how to clean up and fix the ohp...learnt sth new wor...but later had to pair up and go clean up the ohps in the school...dats when my gastric got alot worse..stomach was damn pain but i dun dare to tell anyone and besides i really felt left out dere..the first intake ppl form one group and had their own con..den the second intake ppl form another grp and dunno why but i feel dat they dun quite like me so nvr talk with them, just sat quietly at a corner and stone...and they just let me be...den i realise dat np is the only cca dat makes me feel like home...gastric got worse and worse...was feeling giddy when they are experimenting with sth...just kept drinking water to keep myself going...when they release us, i just ran to the toilet and vomitted...no one noes...was feeling very very weak when i walk out of school...dats why almost knocked down by the car...was wishing dat she can accompany me home, at least got her around i will feel better but dats provided dat she talks and comforts me la...very hard now...its not even possible coz i am only one of her not very impt friends...injured she oso wun come and express her concern...but nvm la...i must build up a good friendship with her before asking her to accept me as her bf...well, i noe i must be thinking too much again...as for now, i can only get more rest....had diarrhoea for the third time today and somemore injured so badly...must recover before this sat's atf...if not i will have a hard time walking to the campsite man...lol...

wat is love? i knew wad is it like already but dun try it until u think u are ready for it...


right now i can only say dat i am more than depressed...anyone who sees this pls talk to me if u can coz i really need someone to talk some sense into me...thanks alot...